My Top 10 (Overly) Romantic + Erotic Movies
I label these movies as overly romantic because cinema has historically been a place for especially white men to express their desire for women, often in a way that propagates really unhealthy dynamics. We know true love in movies is simply that: in movies. But, when women and queer people and people of the global majority are better included in filmmaking, often the films can have a deeper value than simply love and represent meaningful discourse that has yet to be breached. Many of these selections have adult material present so, 18+ only, kiddos.
Sleeping With Other People
What's unfortunate here is that I actually am attracted to people of either or no gender, and yet, I feel like this list is sadly heteronormative and lacking my queerness. I did marry my male best friend, I guess. (Love you, Max.)
A lot of these have fantastical elements, of course, and are works of fiction that should not be regarded as healthy or normal for most real-life relationships. As a culture, people have become aware of how romantic films cross the boundaries of everyday life, especially heteronormative movies wherein a male main character woos a character without respecting her space. To flip that script a little bit, I feature a most moist, homosexual treat as the first film on my list. From there it gets pretty straight. Sorry.
The Handmaiden - Park Chan Wook
I haven't seen a lot of newer, specifically sapphic cinema (I'm a bad gay!), but I would like to point out what a masterpiece this film is. This script comes from an English-language novel with all the marvelous twists and turns that Park Chan Wook is known for. This movie lifted me up and dropped me down, shattered my heart, and then pieced it back together again.
The two main love interests are cast as "Lady" and "Maid".
The film takes place around 1920 when Japan controlled Korea. A poor, Korean orphan joins forces with a con artist to act as the handmaiden for a rich Japanese lady, only for him to pose as her suitor and to scam her out of her fortune. The Lady is actually a prisoner of abuse in her own home, made to read aloud lewd novels to audiences of panting male guests. And yet, as the Maid and the Lady grow closer, the Maid finds she may not be able to follow through with her side of the bargain. Eventually, the Maid and the Lady realize that what they have is far more sensual than friendship.
Obviously, Park Chan Wook has mastered the genre of horror, which incorporates aspects of psychological terror. At the same time, in my mind, he creates these raw, absolutely non-pornographic sex scenes. What do I mean by this? Do you know that line from Saltburn about lesbianism being "wet"? Have you ever seen Shortbus? He makes sex scenes that can be arousing, but are almost documentarian, corporeal, sweaty, red, and ugly. He uses real lighting and treats people like real people. He doesn't try to get them to pose in ways that are "beautiful", and instead makes realistic, uncomfortable sex scenes with smacking mouths, bulging bellies, and unworldly screams. It's sloppy and highly erotic.
High Fidelity - Stephen Frears
I don't like the romance in the movie, that's why it's overly romantic. Let's face it, Rob's an arsehole and an aging hipster, nearly out of his prime but grasping for straws. I was explaining to my husband that I don't want to say goodbye to High Fidelity, even if I really dislike Rob as a person. For me, he's the clear definition of how a person can like really cool things and talk about cool things without being a very cool person. Let this be a lesson learned. On the other hand, I appreciate so much of the commentary in the book and movie equally, mostly regarding music. And even though Rob is not an ideal partner, he remains relatable to me as a person in his moments of clarity and reminds me that I'm not perfect. Rob doesn't really achieve a romantic victory, and instead, his partner throws up a white flag for Rob's relationship. Yes, the guy gets the (same) girl in the end, but he does little to inspire trust in him thereafter. Rob loves two things: himself and music.
Sleeping with Other People - Leslye Headland
I love what this movie taught me about love and sex. Apparently, I had never made my husband watch this movie until around our 4th anniversary, and it still hits you hard in the heart. The film opens in 2001, wherein our two main characters lose their virginity to each other and then never see each other again... for fifteen years when they run into one another at a SLAA meeting. Our two protagonists have dealt with love addiction for much of their adult lives, and somehow decide to remain friends. This film is both hilarious and compassionate about their struggles to feel love and shows how romantic bonds can be formed between two people without sex.
All of the cast gave an incredible performance all around. Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis share an incredible chemistry, Brie's seriousness and sweetness acting as a perfect foil to Sudeikis' boyish sharkiness. Brie, in the role of Lainey, is easily one of my favorite actresses who always, always gives a realistic, emotional performance. Adam Scott, a personal favorite, makes himself convincingly into a mean, unfeeling, gaslighting paramore to counteract the gentleness of Lainey. Sudeikis is forever immortalized in my heart as the "What up with that?" b-boy hypeman from SNL, so seeing him as such a charmer while working his wit so naturally is stunning- a much sexier Ted Lasso before Ted Lasso. He's impossible to say no to! This film mastered the art of comedic and romantic "repartee" and shows the sexual complexities of adult relationships.
Oh, to be a fly on this wall.
The Wedding Singer - Frank Coraci
Here's a movie that always lifts me up. In a time when no one was making disgustingly 80s-themed films, The Wedding Singer satires the day-glo fashion and "bitchin" expressions brilliantly. Rob and Julia are a perfect pair, and seeing them be friends before finally admitting their feelings is an adorable journey with loads of "cooky characters" along the way. Robbie has some pretty hilarious zingers, and Sandler's bizarre humor adds a hint of extra spice to the mix. I do love a meatball.
Robbie's songs are one of the most romantic parts of the movie, and Sandler's voice can be surprisingly dreamy. Above all, "Somebody Kill Me" slaps (and encourages slapping thighs). And for a 15-year-old kid watching this movie for the first time, "Grow Old With You" will always and forever be the sweetest serenade. It's goals. It could be anyone's love song, and in a lot of ways it subverts expectations of men to be poor caretakers by showing how badly he wants to care for Julia.
I'm not the biggest Adam Sandler fan, nor the biggest Drew Barrymore fan. But, The Wedding Singer is unlike any of their individual movies, and it's the only one where I can manage Drew Barrymore's overly syrupy acting voice she did for so long. IE: Ever After, Never Been Kissed, Riding in Cars with Boys, etc. Honestly, I could watch Adam Sandler fall in love with a rock in this movie, and I'd be satisfied.
Like Water for Chocolate - Alfonso Arau
As a person who aspires to be a bit of a kitchen witch, I know exactly what it's like to accidentally sear your emotions into your cuisine. The unrequited love, the longing, the heat of this movie, even the name screams "sex". This movie, marinated in magical realism, is equally about feeding the soul and self as it is about desire.
Like Water for Chocolate takes place around 1900 in Spanish-controlled Mexico, a time when family and tradition are treated as paramount. This movie also shows the presence of Spanish culture and its colonial influence on contemporary Mexico. Tita, the main character, was born on a kitchen table and has a strong relationship with the cooks and household servants. Her mother cruelly dictates that as the youngest child, it is her familial duty to remain a maid and care for her mother until death. When Pedro, the love of Tita's life, proposes to her on her birthday, her mother coldly refuses. Their undeniable attraction only grows stronger when Pedro marries her older sister only so to remain close to Tita.
The twisting and bending of Tita's emotions leads her to create dishes that infuse themselves with whatever feeling she is experiencing most passionately. One of the most incredible series of scenes features a dish powered by Pedro's affectionate gift of rose petals to Tia. Every person at the dinner table that evening experiences uncontrollable arousal, aside from Pedro's wife. Tia's other older sister becomes so overwhelmed that she runs to take a shower when the outdoor shower then bursts into sporadic flames. She runs naked into the desert, panicking, and suddenly into the arms of the most immediate man, a revolutionary for Mexico riding on horseback. He pulls her up onto his saddle and gallops off into the horizon as she is still nude and quaking from the events of the evening. Incredible.
The Girl on the Bridge - Patrice Leconte
Knife throwing. The hottest knife-throwing scene I'll ever see because the only others are in Santa Sangre, and they are not properly sexy. I discovered this film on a lazy Saturday morning on the Sundance channel at the age of 19, and needless to say, I was pretty jazzed about the knives.
This movie has one of the most French castings, starring both Daniel Auteuil and Vanessa Paradis. The film opens with Adèle, played by Paradis, telling the story of her lifelong love addiction. Though they never specifically label it as such, Adèle has been jumping from man to man for a means of survival since being a teenager. Now, a young woman, she is ready to end her life, and preparing to jump from a bridge. Gabor, a stranger and a professional knife-thrower, intervenes. Following her old habits by latching onto the nearest man, she agrees to be his new assistant for his act, but in her loss of love for life and emotional flatness, she seems unready to attach herself too closely to him. Gabor keeps his space from Adèle, and though they do not dare touch one another, the intimacy during their performances draws them closer and closer together in deliciously dangerous ways.
Secretary - Steven Shainberg
Yowza. Secretary is as much about love and sex as it is about mental illness and growing up. Without being too personal, I'll just say I relate.
Because Secretary depicts a fictional BDSM lifestyle, it could lead viewers to believe that their relationship and dynamic is an accurate representation of BDSM. As a current non-member of the community who has self-educated quite a bit, I think they do a pretty good job of showing a very light BDSM relationship for the people who might be interested in more of the domination aspects. That said, Secretary has some borderline problematic elements because of the lack of actual verbal contract (or otherwise) between the two main characters which blurs the lines of consent. This movie is a fantasy, and actual BDSM relationships are much more transparent than this.
Before there was 50 Shades of Grey, there was E. Edward Grey Esquire, played by James Spader, the daddliest of daddies. Maggie Gyllenhaal's Lee is fresh out of a long-term tenure at a mental institution and looking for a job. After learning to type, she applies at the office of the deeply angsty, moderately psychotic Edward Grey. Let's be clear: this movie is a rollercoaster and his acts are somewhat abusive. That doesn't change the fact that it really, really turns her on. She never utters a word of consent, which I absolutely hate here, but her desire is heavily implied in her thoughts and actions in her everyday life.
On the upside, Lee and Grey have incredible, highly palpable, very delectable chemistry, and are obviously very into each other. In the end, we see that her exploration of her sadism within her sexuality has allowed her to grow. That's good, right? In this fictional circumstance, yes, so I enjoy it.
Surprise!I've created a subsection on Italian-American romances
(because 3/10 is bad.)
Moonstruck - Norman Jewison
Nick Cage freaking out. Nick Cage freaking out over losing his fiancé. Nick Cage freaking out over losing his fiancé and blaming it on his brother. Nick Cage freaking out over losing his fiancé and blaming his brother for it because his brother distracted him while cutting bread and now he only has ONE HAND, and she left him.
Honestly, I think that's a good enough reason to watch it.
If that isn't, what about a manic whirlwind love affair from a Cher who's out to get her groove back at the opera with a psychotic, hunchbacked baker, who she slaps, screaming, "SCHNAPOUTOFIT!"
It was a moment to birth a thousand drag queens, and innumerable gays. May we thank Cher for her offerings, and cocaine for Nick Cage.
Happy Accidents - Brad Anderson
Am I the only Italian American with the hots for young Vincent D'onofrio? Is it okay to say to myself, "I like seeing two guidos falling in love in a sci-fi narrative"? If not, I apologize.
For me, this movie fits into a kind of "magical realism" of its own because of the suspension of disbelief. Ruby meets Sam, and he's not shy about the fact that he comes "from the future". She speaks with both her friends and therapist about him, and they support the relationship despite his quirks and lectures on the future. Yet, he has an incredible softness toward her, and she toward him, so she entertains what she believes might be his delusions because he loves her better than anyone ever has. In the future, Sam falls in love with Ruby when he finds her picture in a book, and he knows what fate awaits her, and so he has "backtraveled" to save her.
This isn't a high-budget, picturesque blockbuster. It's filmed entirely in Brooklyn, New York, with a great cast that packs a certain cuteness and innocence that more romantic movies need.
Boy Meets Girl - Jerry Ciccoritti
This movie takes place in Toronto Little Italy in the 90's. There are a lot of overlapping narratives, but the primary storyline features a young man named Mike (played by Sean Astin) who falls in love with an Italian woman named Angelina, and though they don't speak the same language, they begin to understand each other through "the magic of love." A sort of narrator or Casanova by the name of Il Magnifico enjoys his bed with his lover, providing interstices of poetry, of kismet, lovers dancing and doing what lovers do. Aesthetically, this movie has a consistent, lush crimson theme, aligned with Valentine's Day, and it reminds me of a heart-shaped red velvet cake. This movie packs a vintage quirk, with a tinge of the B-52's and a wink at 60's retro interiors. We watch as Mike comedically navigates his admiration for the lovely Angelina, who can't help but be stirred by his poorly translated candor.
One of the most memorable scenes involves an Italian butcher teaching Mike how to use Italian hand language... and it holds true! If you look closely, you can see some of them in Goodfellas or other Italian movies made by those in the know. Above all, the scene features excellent physical comedy on the part of Louis di Bianco in the role of the butcher who had authentically grown up with the infamous Italian handspeak.
Honorable Mention:
Diamantino - Gabriel Abrantes and Daniel Schmidt
Never have I ever seen such a crazy, gender-bending, beautiful, and surreal movie. I've also never seen a film in European Portuguese. Where we are used to narratives wherein female characters dress as male characters to inconspicuously reconnoiter, especially in Shakespearian comedies, this is a pleasant and queer modern twist. Upon closer examination, Diamintino cleverly features some classically dramatic elements blended fantastically with contemporary themes.
I can't even begin to explain the kind of intimacy this movie explores, which spans from parental caring to sexual caring, without actually being incestual. I know, hard to explain. Above all, the crazy, magical use of special effects including cotton candy clouds and bounding puppies bring a certain je ne sais quoi to this film. The villain of this film is played so poisonously by real-life twins, twin sisters Anabela and Margarida Moreira. Without revealing too much, this lesser-known film shows that love is about the capacity to care for another person and nourish them.
Addendum
I'd like to mention Kissing Jessica Stein.